Since I can't seem to write anything without many paragraphs of contingencies, my Twitter feed will be dedicated to haikus. Oh hi, friends!

Can 3D printing put an end to poaching? independent.co.uk/life-style/gad…

All the pills I got at the pharmacy came in vegetarian capsules. Do they even make meat-lover capsules anymore? #conspiracy #bigpharma

Check me out @ the Day Block Brewing Company tonight for the Semi-Pro Comedy show. I'm the musical guest, performing first! $10/doors at 9