tonight I dressed normally and went as “random bro from red door who won’t stop talking to you”

Name an amazing piece of technology that’s fundamentally ruining our world. I’ll start. #photoshop

Hey Acast your platform is shit. I might have an issue...and I can't even send you a damn message to tell you I have an issue.

IT’S TIME!!! 🎄☃️ #MariahSZN

Me, eating one piece of toast.

Just out of curiosity, how many of you have voted already, by mail or in person voting? ✋

Plz #GoVote

I'm going to start another podcast to regale all of the awkward and awful stories of my dating life. #fumble

Sending a Promoter/Talent Buyer a "well too bad for you because of [insert whatever]" email is a great way for me to again not book you.

If you're going to lie on your resume, make it about something that I can't fact check immediately on Google. 😂

Shopping at At Home and seeing a grandma buy grandma things like a ceramic snowman and a sign that says “hot cocoa served here” gives me the hope I need to survive the holidays

*sends Elon Musk $8 in “it’s really good exposure though”*

~serotonin ~

Imagine paying $44b to tell people they can’t make fun of you anymore

Paul McCartney and Rick Rubin listen to Smash Mouth "All-Star" stems credit: Twister & Jumanji

as a Canadian, this is how it feels watching American elections these days

My office neighbor talks so loudly that my cochlear implant picks up his voice but my hearing aid doesn't so I just hear his buzzy little shouting annoying voice eight hours a day

Hangovers when you’re 22 last for an hour. Hangovers when you’re 30 last for three days. #iamdied

patreon.com/nashvilletours… I started a Patreon for my podcast! Holy cow. #nashvilletourstop