parents weekend has been postponed out of an abundance of caution

we will no longer use GOYA beans at our "brimstone's burritos" restaurants

You can purchase a fastpass™ at the visitor center

Please stop calling the front desk to ask to speak to your grandparents. Use their extension.

tonight we're doing fireworks and pouring lava on Strom Thurmond's ghost

we are proud to announce the 9th circle of hell is now an amazon fulfillment center

anyone who sang a capella in college will be turned into a tree

all dogs go to heaven except for the ones we make out of lava and razor blades down here

we got a small-business loan from the US govt and we used it to buy 5 million scorpions :)

lol what if we stop the fire for a little while and teach everyone to do the wave at the same time

Hell 7.4.1 goes live at 2:00am so connect to the wifi everybody

Adding new ring of hell for anyone who votes 3rd party

it's infrastructure week, baby

virus not technically organism so no virus in hell *high fives with cloven hoof*

yeah we have instagram but every story is just women wishing their friends happy birthday