Here at The Tap House, we like to serve beers made the old fashioned way (enrobed, chanting in an eldritch language to Vox the Profane, ever may he reign).

Call me crazy, but... NEW Zealand is a Danish marketing ploy to up the popularity of Zealand classic. And Denmark? Not even a real country. It's just Germany's little hat.

Our beer is still better than theirs...

**POLITE NOTICE** Please note that all unattended children will be confiscated and sold to the circus.

**POLITE NOTICE** Please may customers refrain from throwing their cigarette buds on the floor. Our ants are getting cancer.

**POLITE NOTICE** To avoid last week's unpleasantness, we no longer permit clowns, mimes or nailclippers anywhere on the premesis.

New stock! The Pale Armadillo from the wild savages at @tempestbrewingco, this soft, fruity flavour bomb weighs in at an easy 3.8% So you can drink it. And drink it. AND DRINK IT, YOU MINDLESS THRALLS! DRINK... facebook.com/taphouselancs1…

Pfft, what do THEY know? It's bank holiday weekend. Let's live dangerously. bbc.com/news/health-45… bbc.com/news/health-45…

**POLITE NOTICE** Mitchell's legal representatives wish for it to be known that the law of "Finders, Keepers" is not applicable to human children.

**NEW STOCK ALERT** Heave your shambling carcases down here. You'll be like "YE GODS! JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS BEER!" Help us burn through some of these OUTRAGEOUS brews from @blackjackbrewery, Rob Shields,... facebook.com/taphouselancs1…

**NEW STOCK ALERT** Heave your shambling carcases down here. You'll be like "YE GODS! JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS BEER!" Help us burn through some of these OUTRAGEOUS brews from @blackjackbrewery, Rob Shields,... facebook.com/taphouselancs1…

NOTICE: We are happy to announce that we now accept payment in Bitcoin, Krugerrands, indentured servitude and goat's blood (by dram only).

I refuse to legitimise claims that my appointment as Company Reverse Necromancer is the same thing as a serial killer.

Heads, shoulders, fangs and tendrils, fangs and tendrils. Heads, shoulders fangs and tendrils, fangs and tendrils. Eye and eyes and OH MY GOD SO MANY EYES Heads, shoulders, fangs and tendrils.

There is absolutely no way that EVERYONE was Kung Fu fighting.

Overheard: "What cultural contribution has Newcastle ever made?" "... Brown ale and 24 hour Gregg's."

Join me in weeping as I cancel tonight's Open Mic due to SOMEONE having the goddamn TEMERITY to be ill.

Overheard: "OI! YOU! STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL AND TALK ABOUT FLOWERS AND DICKS!"

Happy mother's day to all the rad mums, step mums, grand mums and mother figures out there

Memories All alone in the moonlight... @ The Tap House, Lancaster — at The Tap House, Lancaster facebook.com/36622489013715…