well that's not very in love with me of you

for only 1500 mcdonald's app points, you can get one month of snapchat+ which is a great deal, if you ask me

i love when she asks me about stuff like iran; i really have no idea. no clue, & she really couldn't care less. but for a minute, we both get to feel like we're helping each other out

I’ll never like another bitch photo but yours mommy..

it's like breathing air it's nothing it means nothing

Asking for the death penalty in traffic court

does anyone want to join my Tour de France fantasy team

Got my Taliban friend to try his first Big Mac

you should be able to put how hot your partner is on your resume so they know it’s extra important that you have disposable income

it's not clocking to my boss that i'm standing on business

Love drinking water in bed without sitting up, where the liquid sort of sits at the bottom of your oesophagus and you almost throw up or die. It’s just one of those things I can’t imagine Obama doing

god better have a couple body guards

after a 10 year break, i am ready to start sagging again

me at 14 before family dinner because someone just posted my full home address in a 4chan thread 10 mins ago

do Peter Thiel next!!!!!!!

youtube added more videos today. worth a look.

it's Friday and i'm in love

i've been moonlighting as a better help therapist but all i do is tell people to kill themselves. they keep giving me raises and more clients

nepo babies are the real job takers if we're being serious