Bitches get offended on the Internet like it burns calories

“Good idea. I’ll give it some thought!” -Me lying politely

As social mores shift and with them the use of certain words, such as ‘retard’, fall into ill-repute, I was wondering if anyone could confirm whether ‘complete dipshit’ still stands on firm footing.

Every Pundit: Wow, what a clever & forward looking strategy, that's some 3-dimensional chess right there. Me: Yo dipshit, regular chess is 3-dimensional, how the fuck you think knights jump the other pieces. Go watch Picard engage a tractor beam or something.

Every day's Black Friday at the Dollar Holla'!

Me: Alex, I'll take NFL Football for 400. Alex: Hup, Hup... Me: Alex, what is Island in the Sun, Weezer.

3 wishes really?, Awesome. Well, I'd pop a cap in Sancho and I'd slap her down. How many is that.

If by 'do I party' you mean extended masturbation sessions on amphetamines, then yes, I party.

Dear Joe Biden: It's time to drop out of the presidential race bit.ly/39Hleel #FlaPol

Perhaps the coming onslaught of artificial intelligence and its impacts will one day be called 'the culling of the herd.'

It's UBI or GTFO, and feel free to indefinitely postpone Senor Retard's press conferences while you're cutting the checks.

Could the proposed euthanasia plan flip Nebraska CD2 blue? Who knows.

Bill Maher has literally been the only person telling the truth for a very long time now. He went all Socrates and lost his job over it too. None of you done that. #BillMaher

Before voting, remember the only reason Trump's on the ticket is cuz Dale Earnhardt wasn't available.

13 more minutes til Jewel Osco starts selling booze, the sweat's lashing off my forehead.

As a member of the newly insured under Obamacare, I will no longer be taking any guff off anyone. You wanna step outside?? Let's dance maf*cker!!

Funny thing about these 12-packs of White Claw is they actually come in a baker's dozen when you include the joint you smoke on the way back from Krogers. Honk if you're horny!

If you liked Car Wash you're going to love Nomadland.

If by 'do I party' you mean extended masturbation sessions on amphetamines, then yes, I party.