I bought shares of Campbells Soup Company because I thought it would be funny to own stock in a company that literally makes “stock.” So I'm probably not the best person to get financial advice from.

Southeast Alaska problems: getting from Wrangell to Juneau (150 miles away) requires three separate flights.

Little in life is more disappointing than getting invited to someone’s home for the first time and spotting a well-worn copy of The Fountainhead on their bookshelf.

How was my generation different than yours? Well, in the movie The Breakfast Club, a kid brings a gun to school to kill himself, and he doesn’t get arrested, or get mental health treatment, he just get detention. And nobody batted an eye.

I graduated high school thinking I had zero gay or trans classmates, I only heard the word "autism" in movies and ADHD wouldn't become mainstream terminology until I was in college. Of course, my school had all of that; those kids were forced to struggle privately, alone.

TV show idea: Master Chef meets Squid Games. Amateur chefs prepare dishes, and the loser of each round is chopped up and cooked by the remaining contestants in the subsequent round.

I can’t believe Twitter took away my legacy blue check mark. How are people going to know this is my official account and not just another fan account some weirdo made in my name?

This whole blue checkmark controversy is really giving me a star-bellied sneetch vibe:

If I was going to start an account to trash post my hot legal takes, I’d definitely do it under the pseudonym “Fatticus Inch.”

Is this really the best photo they could come up with for this ad?

Received a positive ruling from the AK Supreme Court for the case I argued in February: appellate-records.courts.alaska.gov/CMSPublic/User…

After I retire I may to move to Finland and found a school to teach young girls to become proper young ladies, and name the school The Start School. Just so when people enroll they will have to say that they are starting Start Finnish Finishing school with a straight face.

Know how sometimes they build a new, bigger, road alongside an existing one and rename the previous one “Old X St.”? They should call those streets “myways” so that when you give directions you can tell people to go “myway or the highway!”

I just read the #TrumpIndictment and I think it’s important to note that this wasn’t just random stuff. Some of these documents are so highly classified that even the markings saying how highly classified they are are themselves classified.

Do you ever find yourself thinking that, in an infinite multiverse, there are an infinite # of songs that could be recorded, but that in this universe, The Humpty Dance is an absolute, undeniable thing that happened and will never not be part of your indelible history on Earth.