1. G: You could have a Laser Tag party! A: What's laser tag? G: You run round with a laser rifle shooting people!

A: A party where you get to SHOOT PEOPLE??!?!! G: They don't DIE... A. Awwww...

A: What about a party where you shoot people but they are just SERIOUSLY INJURED?

Dad I am COLD so I am making a blanket out of my hair.

Just noticed that Astrid is dressed as Madonna's Ray Of Light video

(Astrid & Greta are playing tennis. Dad fetches stray ball) G: Dad is the ball boy! A: He's more a sort of ball DUDE.

(At swimming pool. Astrid is about to jump in) Greta: The sign says no jumping! Astrid: It says no DIVING. Diving is the OPPOSITE of jumping

Astrid: I'm hungry… Dad: We've ordered Chinese, Astrid, it'll get here when it gets here. Astrid: COME ON, CHINA! WHAT THE HELL?!

(Looking at photo of 16-year old Dad) Greta, look! Dad was a hot hip young male teenager and now (points at Dad) he's THAT.

Greta: What should I call my hamster? Astrid: MR. MURDER. Greta: No. Astrid: DR. FLUFFYDEATH. Greta: Shut up.

Haggis? What's haggis? Oh I remember! Sheep guts! I LOVE sheep guts.

Just because you're clever doesn't mean you're not stupid...

What is it with movies and horrible orphanages? I have never seen a movie with a GOOD orphanage.

(Listening to Absolute 80s) I have never seen purple rain. Is purple rain even a thing?

I suppose you could pour a bucket of purple paint over somebody's head.

(Listening to Reelin' In The Years by Steely Dan) Dad, why are they singing about yeast?

(Watching the tear-strewn finale of Bake-Off) Why would you DO this? Why not just find a fun recipe and make it in your own house?!

1. Astrid: It’s the school talent show next week. Can we make up a story that I am not well so I don’t have to go in? Mum: No! Dad: If you don’t want to enter, just don’t… Astrid: It’s not that, it’s just… if I have to listen to ONE MORE little girl singing Let It Go…

Dad: (admiring Astrid’s red skull & crossbones onesie) That is so cool, I wish I had one. Astrid: You would look MENTALLY ILL in a onesie.

Trump is basically the presidential version of Henry VIII...