What if you went to ET's planet and all of the other ET's were wearing clothes

An important moment in our democracy with our next Prime Minister shaking hands with his arch political opponent, Elmo.

End of an era

Ohhh no, don’t put my parcel in the box of sick! We really should just get rid of that.

Watching those TWISTERS box office numbers to see if they're strong enough for the studio to go ahead with my pitch for TWIST3R, which right now consists entirely of "there is a good tornado on the team who helps them"

Just wanted to share quickly how lovely yesterday felt in Southport; a total contrast to the night before. 🧵 The mosque and people’s garden walls were rebuilt by builders and bricklayers volunteering their time and labour:

Perhaps it's time for a little more kindness.

This isnt going where you think it is. 🧵 One of the most annoying things about children is that they want you to stop what you're doing every 0.7 seconds to watch them attempt what I think is supposed to be a cartwheel, or show you how good they are at standing on one leg.

Still cheaper to buy this than we spent RENTING the Bibby Stockholm for two years

Starmer saying ‘sausages’ instead of ‘hostages’ is a bit like when Boris Johnson meant to say that his government would protect the vulnerable from COVID but accidentally said ‘let the bodies pile high’.

I’m torn. On one hand, Trump’s former chief of staff says he’s a Hitler-admiring fascist who wants to rule like a dictator. But, on the other, Harris can’t locate pay stubs from a part-time job 40 years ago. What a perplexing decision.

I don’t really do endorsements. I’m not shy about sharing my views, but I hate politics and don’t trust most politicians. I also understand that people want to hear from me because I am not just a celebrity, I am a former Republican Governor. My time as Governor taught me to

Janey Godley wants you to remember her famous quote as she battling health at a hospice.

If Trump wins, Harris supporters must accept his victory peacefully and without rancor. And if Harris wins, Harris supporters must be understanding about Trump supporters’ violence and rioting.

In an ideal scenario the President of the United States and the worst person in the world would be two different people.

Back on the grind tomorrow