NASA sent a new rover to Mars to help find signs of life. In a related story NASA’s next mission will be to Worcester City Councilor Kate Toomey’s brain.

The Supreme Court ruled one last time that Trump must release his tax returns. The Southern District of NY was disappointed to find that it was just a DVD of The Apprentice with a post it note saying “IOU”

Johnson & Johnson’s one dose vaccine could be approved by the FDA as early next week. A spokesperson for the company said with every one shot you will also receive mom’s spaghetti on your sweater already.

US military relaxes its restrictions on female hair, they will now allow full bush.

If the MA website for vaccination appointments had this guy. It would be a breeze.

MA Lottery announced $45 million increase in sales despite pandemic concerns. Experts say residents have a better chance at winning on a scratcher than getting a vaccine

A 400 yard long ship is blocking the Suez Canal and slowing down deliveries globally. In a related story, Republicans are looking into shipping mail-in ballots.

The container ship stuck in the Suez has moved. Turns out the Canal just had to fart.

In a search warrant for Beto’s Tacos in Worcester, police found meth and cocaine at the scene. Said one customer, “and they’re not even the most addictive things on the menu!”

Las Vegas is opening back up, despite spikes in Covid infections because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Major League Baseball pulled out of having their All-Star game in GA over the state’s new oppressive voting laws. Political experts say, that they forgot baseball existed.

The GOP is upset that Biden is redefining what infrastructure means. Said a senator, “that’s our move, we’ve been calling ‘legal racism,’ ‘infrastructure’ for years!”

The Congressinal Parliamentarian made a huge decision that could lead to some changes in Biden’s efforts to help Americans. Who knew George Clinton and P-Funk fans would be key to saving our democracy??

Joe Biden is taking executive action to help curb gun violence. “This needs to stop now,” said the President, “with summer on the way my guns will be out due to the sun being out. And that better be it.”

MA state senator Ryan Fattman and his wife Stephanie have allegedly violated numerous campaign finance laws. Experts say their spending should have been more slim, man.

The CDC is pulling the Johnson and Johnson vaccine due to the risk of potential blood clots is the message you read as you put an electronic device back into your pants right near your junk.

Bernie Madoff has died. Donations can be made to his family for a pretty promising return.

The stock of Netflix has gone gone down 10% this last week. Experts say investors just scrolled a bunch deciding where to put their money until it was time to go to bed.

A 12 story space craft is landing on Earth and scientists are unsure of where it will land. One local expert says that this is how they plan to build the new apartment building where the Lucky Dog used to be.

Thanks so much for logging on and watch our Roast of Worcester on Twitch. As promised one of our favorite meme makers Molly Cronin served up some beauties based off of the show. Enjoy! @ Worcester, Massachusetts instagram.com/p/CbNn9ffuzBC/…