an actual get out of jail free card [keychain] from the director of the jail himself

yup & then being told “i don’t see anything wrong” being failed by a healthcare system while within the healthcare system is one of the craziest things & yet it happens every day

how dare they use yoga to somehow lessen the magnitude of how sickening this is

i miss being at MetLife Stadium & having the New York Giants mess with my emotions

once i was in a car accident, someone else was driving & i was in the backseat and we spun out (no one got hurt) but still kinda intense & then a roommate who wasn’t there told me that the car *actually* flipped over reminder folks, gaslighting can include defying gravity

government officials think i’m cursed which i think means i’m a government conspiracy

i dont get it either but dalé Pitbull

nothing like getting drunk videos from my parents get a job, you crazy kids

i just read someone describe being neurodivergent as neurospicy & i’ll never view my mind the same again i eat and think 🌶️

“i forgot we taped you to a chair in college” me: that was the second time.. ^when bullying is part of your friendship

today i had to get rid of my new jersey license but you bet im still gonna carry it around to validate my pizza connaisseur status

i’m just a girl

someone venmo Deziree Dixon $20 for pizza

one time i had a narcissist for a roommate & that girl put in so much work trying to ruin my life and im like “aren’t you tired, like damn this is so much effort for people to still hate you” but she had the personality of a paper plate so honestly it makes sense now

today i found out that im deficient in vitamin d and attention

*facetime incoming from soapie at 1am* me: hii how ya dern her: omg i have this crazy story from tonight…. oh look at that the dogs, say hi her (10 sec later): i forgot the story okayy byeeeee

i just think Zohran Kwame Mamdani should open for a dj like DJ SNAKE with some bars from his campaign trail and boom he’s both mayor and rapper (just like he dreamed) TURN THE VOLUME UP then it remixes to turn down for what & dhoom machale i’d just like a ticket to the show thx

mahesh babu being one degree of separation from nick jonas is everything i’ve ever wanted as a telugu jonas brother fan #Varanasi