i know some of you are going to be annoyed to hear me say that Bo Burnam’s special is Beatles-level great because i’m a few days late and you’ve seen it and you hate to be told to see things you’ve already seen but see it.

It’s weird how we consider chocolate and vanilla opposites when they’re just not opposites

What font do they use on keyboards

I have to Google so many simple grammar questions before I tweet to avoid looking like the idiot that I am

“Buyer beware” asked the store clerk, wanting to know where that buyer be

Chop chop Doc I have death to approach

I never flew a kite during my childhood and now I’m on antidepressants

If I were ever judging a spelling bee Me: spell Oxford Comma 2nd grader with sports goggles: can you use it in a sentence? Me: yes, but you don’t need to.

I realized I had a slanted face when I got a 60% on my Rube Goldberg project in eighth grade

This is why the Bears took Mitchell Trubisky

The White Lotus is just Parasite x Saltburn