I must have imagined the time when Nadine Dorries spent 2 weeks on I’m a Celebrity while a sitting MP.

Love her 💙

Cabo Verde Day 4 spoilt by 1) Ticketmaster for wasting my entire morning and being shit. 2) Everton for being Everton and even my blue dress was doomed. Think I best get wasted.

The Beer Garden Tortoise 💎🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🍺🐢 💙 Sophie Socket ♠️ Keir Starmer The Labour Party Predictable Account pretends to care bout knife crime yet never mentioned knife crime when tories were in. Charge… What a disgusting account

If you found the perfect person on a night out, went back to their gaff and was just about to get jiggy when they say:- “I’m really turned on by Nige. Would you mind putting on this mask, dressing in full tweed and a flat cap and sparking up a Arturo Fuente cigar...?” Only

I see this on loads of my posts. If I’ve muted you at some point, it’s because you’ve been a dickhead. But I will have told you at the time. So how about you stop wasting your time responding to my posts?

Two days left in Cabo Verde 🇨🇻 The thought of coming home is making my head explode 💥

Hello, is it me you’re looking ‘floor’ 😂😂😂

Tonight in Parliament we passed the Bill to bring rail back into public ownership. This is the beginning of the end for the rip-off, privatised rail system. After decades of failure, it's great that we are going to get a rail system that puts the public before private profit!

Twelve dead. Ten female. One pregnant woman. Six children. Isn't this tragedy enough to shut up the "fighting age men" bullshit from the far right? theguardian.com/uk-news/articl…

Sad to announce the artist formerly known as Lord Gareth Cheeseman of Wokeland has been banned from here due to expressing a desire to see a certain frog faced politician jump from a window. As Monty Python would say, he’s an ‘ex-parrot’. However, he is alive and well with bad

Do you think we should set a timescale for scaling back the financial support for Ukraine? £3bn a year is a lot considering where we are at ourselves. I fully appreciate the importance of keeping Putin at bay though so it’s a tough one.

#NewProfilePic

Where’s the bloke We’re Here To Save Football? instagram.com/reel/C9YOhgwij…

I've realised that you can categorise Reform voters and they fall into one of either of these two categories (never both). 1. Own three houses. 2. Own three teeth.