Wife bought me tickets to see Father John Misty next month, hell yeah

Feeling old seeing other people's posts

Funko pops are crypto for polycules

Wife: uh ohhhhh here comes the tickle monsterrrrr Me: god damn it. (looks out the window) get my gun.

Rip Tome Sizemore. I think about “for me, the action is the juice” several a times a week

Great ad, thank you

I'm not one to retweet war footage because I find it appalling & disgusting. This is a very rare exception & one of the few times I will & it's because the footage is just incredible. This is something straight out of Hollywood. x.com/jaganwah/statu…

Crimes of the Future, 2022

More movies should end with EC comics style karmic punishment

2010 Brett: “gee whiz! I watched 10 movies, time to fill out my Oscars ballot!” - 2 likes by people I know in real life 2023 Brett: “I’m the juiceman and I love to drink ice cold piss.” - 20000 likes by total strangers

making jokes about Mr Beast’s fast food business but being first in line for Doug Walker Burger

Happy to report my new job is awesome

Actually he's a menace to women, minorities, impoverished individuals, and LGBTQ+ persons and his demise would be a net good for the world

sorry for the confusion everyone. the winner of the academy award for best picture was not La La Land, it’s was actually my 1981 masterpiece, Reds

r/acid

walking into the laundromat with my disgusting bedsheets

evening! what a fucking nightmare! jimmy kimmel fucking sucks, right? nice win for RRR, tho. the memorium segment was mostly outweighed by travolta's moving tribute. wish these people were there, especially this guy: Albert Pyun, a wonderful filmmaker - FARINA'D!

My debut at Slate: Venture capitalists are parasites who couldn't be trusted with the financial institution that held up their industry, let alone the direction of our technological development. Euthanizing them is imperative if we want a better world. slate.com/technology/202…

I'm going to be quitting twitter for a while, probably forever. It was a fun ride and I appreciate all of the good times I've had posting with all of you.