my lifestyle is being very hurt that no one is texting me back while I ignore all my texts

I had hotdogs for dinner..

Inject this into my veins

One unanticipated bummer of working overnight is that there is no one to text because everyone is asleep 😔

I had a dream that I got bit in the finger by a bat. What the frick.. 🦇

420 is a great day for a blunt and an orgasm

Nothing worse than having an automatic toilet flush when you’re sitting and having it splash water on your butt

Big Little Lies Season 2 👸🏻 |\👐🏻 / \_ ━━━━━┓ ＼＼ ┓┓┓┓┓┃Game of Thrones Season 8 ┓┓┓┓┓┃ ヽ🤡ノ ┓┓┓┓┓┃ 　 / ┓┓┓┓┓┃ ノ) ┓┓┓┓┓┃ ┓┓┓┓┓┃

I suck so much at darts it’s making me angry. I’m going to find a darts team so I can train.

Vacation shaming is sad and disgraceful and part of the reason Americans leave more vacation days on the table than any other devolved country. Don’t let your employer make you feel bad for taking well deserved time off. Shame on you Bud Light. Shame 🛎

🤠 We rode along with @lilnasx as he surprised the kids of Lander Elementary. 🐎

You couldn’t pay me enough to be a bathroom attendant

what a fuckin mood thewildchild.co.za/female-dragonf…

That underboob tho...

Just told my sister she can’t call herself a “pillow princess” even if she does “love to sleep”

I just unsent an email on gmail and i’m fkn floored

Why does my dumb brain think bread becomes less bad for you after it’s been toasted

Today at work I introduced myself to a new team member named Victor. He saw me later and called me Erin. I reminded him it’s Emily so later when he saw me again he called me Ashley. I wear a name tag..

Imagine how society would grind to a halt if men got their periods.

Lately, nothing has infuriated more than when people type out *chef’s kiss* just stop