Royal Commission into the WOKE ABC’s decision to reincarnate beautiful Amelia Earhart as a MAN with a NEW ZEALAND accent!!!!!

can’t go to sleep right now, it’s 11.07. that’s a chaotic and senseless number! I have to wait for a round, respectable number, something noble like 11.15 or 11.30

what if we kissed at the art deco heritage listed Clifton Hill McDonald’s?

sad day for dancing with the stars

when we want to be loved but must submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known

when I was in year four I read my mum's copy of this book and then made a spreadsheet on butcher’s paper tracking my classmates’ behaviour

podcast host: “the following episode contains graphic material that may be disturbing or distressing to some listeners”

the mullet is a haircut traditionally reserved for men who can't process emotions, but nowadays it's also open to women who can't process dairy. and I'm a little bit of both :)

In the criminal justice system, musculoskeletal offences are considered especially heinous

Not your mum, not your milk!

huge news for bears, dads and any other husky fellas with deviated septums!

they should make a cigarette that has 10.9 grams of protein per serve. something like this

hello I'm doing my final encore shows of god's favourite this weekend at comedy republic <3 july 26th (sat) 6.00pm & 7.30pm ticket here: comedyrepublic.com.au/event/38:486/

you can pry the em dash out of my cold dead hands — it’s the perfect shape and length to indicate a break in thought without resorting to the cheap ellipsis or the foolish semicolon

body doubling is not enough, I need this to get anything done

larp has taken me places I wouldn’t even go with a flintlock pistol

forget star sign, I want to know which billionaire killer you're most aligned with

imagine saying a slur when you could say literally anything else!!! (please forgive my unflinching eye contact, I have been home sick for two weeks)