Can't believe they stole my idea and turned it into the "Littlest Hobo" Admittedly they changed the evil travelling Mariachi band into a dog who did nice things, but that's beside the point.

If I had a dog with a deep bark I'd call it James Earl Bones.

Flandestine: The act of eating a family sized quiche while hiding in the airing cupboard.

I put the bins out on the wrong day, I think this was foretold by Nostradamus as the beginning of the end.

My favourite German comedian.

It's the weekend!

Nearly all my exercise comes from being very forgetful and living in a three storey house.

You taking

When my hip goes I walk in italics.

I was only put on this planet to find cobwebs with my forehead.

Jesus Christ, how much did he need!

OK, who dropped their masturbation mitten?

Merry Christmasturbate ✊️

What's orange and steals the house you wanted? A Gazoompa Loompa.

Well you know where you can stick that.

Found this rather distinguished looking tea bag gentleman asleep in the bin.

Lynch, that's proper shite that is.

Most arguments can be diffused by forcing both protagonists to deeply inhale from a tub of Play-Doh.

No, really, don't talk to him about life.

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