Minister of Pensions Jagmeet Singh keeps threatening to pull his support for our coalition Government. That's because he sees the polling data, and realizes he has a chance to form the official opposition. But he won't do it. He's my little b*itch. Right, Jaggy? I dare you.

Canadians can't afford food, clothing or shelter, and my Government is here to help. That's why, on April 1st, we're increasing the carbon tax by 23%. We promised to work hard to make your life less affordable, and that's exactly what we're going to do.

We've just announced that we're sending 800 drones to Ukraine, worth more than $95-million. This is exactly what Canadians elected us to do. We'll take your money, and we'll send your money away, but your quality of life will continue to deteriorate the longer I'm in office.

I'm going to do what's necessary to keep my coalition Government in power. That's why we're implementing Universal Everything. Universal Pharamacare, Universal Dentalcare, Universal Food, Universal Cars, and Universal Basic Income. I'll do anything to stay in charge.

There is only one person responsible for my Government underfunding our military and missing our NATO targets. Stephen Harper. Listen as I blame someone who hasn't been in power for eight years, for my last eight budgets which kept the military dangerously underfunded.

This afternoon, I gave a speech about how my Government is committed to protecting children. Kids are precious, and we must look out for them at all costs. That's why I support life altering puberty blockers, genital mutilation, and healthy organ amputation.

Update: We've banned the company at the heart of the #ArriveSCAM scandal from bidding on federal contracts. Not that it matters - I've already used taxpayer dollars to make my buddies who run that company rich. Soon, I'll designate a fall guy and sweep this all under the rug.

This afternoon, I met with King Charles via zoom. This was a first for me - I usually fly my enormous private jet all over the world to "meet" with people while partying on the taxpayers dime. I hated it. That's why I'm scheduling trips to Hawaii, Sao Paolo, Rome, and Bangkok.

My Government is closely monitoring the situation in #Haiti. That's why, last year, we gave them $100M taxpayer dollars to stabilize the country. Obviously that money was a complete waste, but we don't care because we never keep track of what people do with our handouts.

Let me be clear - there is no "I" in #Haiti. That's why we're working with partners like 'Barbeque' the gang leader, to get Canadian taxpayer dollars where they need to go. My Government is committed to funding anarchy abroad, and that's exactly what we're going to do.

This morning, I flew my enormous private jet to Alberta to lecture people about the carbon tax. The average family here will get a $1,800 carbon rebate cheque. I forgot to mention that the average family pays over $10,000 per year in carbon taxes. Details schmetails.

Today, I flew my enormous private jet - which burns 6,000kg of fuel per hour - to Alberta. When I landed, I drove my 27-vehicle motorcade to a meeting with Danielle Smith, so that I could gaslight Canadians about the carbon tax. We are in a climate emergency.

We're seeing a dramatic rise in auto-thefts nationwide, which is why my Government is encouraging you to use our new strategy. Leave your keys out so they're easy to steal. We've enabled crime for years so there's no point in trying to stop it, just give them your car.

I am prepared to arrest Scott Moe if he refuses to collect the carbon tax in Saskatchewan. Governments should never try to help their people. That's why I'm using #BillC63 to silence him, make him comply, and force him to tax Canadians into poverty like I'd planned.

My ex-wife Sophie went on record saying "women should not expect the bare minimum", and I think we all know what she's talking about. The size of my hammer. Everyone knows I've never been able to properly satisfy a women, which is why I spend my time f*cking Canadians instead.

Age no bar! Declined the facility to vote from home! Bhagwa dupatta! Note the wrist bands 😁 My mother and Satish Bahri🇮🇳 #AbhkiBaar400Paar #Gurugram #Election2024

الحوثيون في #اليمن يؤجلون إطلاق سراح 100 سجين من القوات الحكومية

Und wieder bricht eine große Lüge in sich zusammen: Angebliche „Hetzjagden“ in Chemnitz 2018: Prozeß geplatzt! jungefreiheit.de/politik/deutsc…

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