Me jealous of you? hell no motherfucker??

omg i just realized theyre called pancakes because theyre like cakes but you cook them wait for it in a pAN

let’s play a game called how long can i put off my assignment until i start stress crying

*ends every piece of advice with “idk though” so that its not my fault if i ruin ur life*

i need to stop imagining scenarios in my head that have a -2% chance of actually happening it’s becoming a problem

*goes online shopping* *puts everything i want in a cart* *checks subtotal* *laughs and closes tab*

i accidentally messed up my life how do i start a new account

using y = mx + b to measure the slope of that ass

i don't understand why people need to do drugs or party in order to have fun like have you tried mac n cheese

9 year olds now worry about iPhones and makeup when I was 9 I was worried about If Miley was gonna pick jake or Jessie on Hannah Montana

How I flirt: *stares from distance*

I'm not the “cute” awkward..... I'm the “what the hell is wrong with you” awkward

when ppl get mad bc u wont let them see ur phone .. its my fucking phone. not yours?

That joke was funny but i do not like u therefore i will not laugh

being a girl is so expensive ??????????????

how do people have relationship after relationship like i can’t find a single person to find me remotely interesting for a solid second

"The Vow" could have been resolved in all of 10 mins. If Channing Tatum says he's your husband, you go with it

I look really cute when I wake up, and by cute I mean homeless

that one person everyone loves and you're just like W H Y

Getting into a relationship may seem tempting but so was getting on the Titanic ship and look what happened there