making a dating app exclusively for people that wear cum town t-shirts

mixing two kinds of breakfast cereal counts as cooking

feels awful. lost an icon. a tv fixture my entire life. so many good memories watching jeopardy! with friends and family over the years. rip 👑

i assumed moviebob was bob weinstein from his avatar and am surprised to learn otherwise

25 y/o podcast co-host mentioning how our *age difference* makes me the expert on ye olde internete is pretty fuckin rough.

starting to think just eating any food at all is a mistake. always feel bad afterwards. i still taste these goldfish six hours after eating. food is gross and bad and im quitting it.

you can tell someone definitely has a correct opinion on twitter when they immediately block anyone who disagrees with them. the faster they go for the button the more right they are

trying to remember what I had in my okc profile because it was all good "message me if: you look like Lydia Deetz"

caroline calloway isn't wrong

i am ruthlessly efficient and good at driving a school bus. but i also have a lot of bad accidents (fatalities by the dozen) nytimes.com/2021/12/12/us/…

now that it’s pretty much settled that die hard is a christmas movie, it’s time to add ronin to the holiday canon

this happened to my buddy kevin. he was held in a bernie campaign twitter labor camp for 20 months.

i love that x is broken enough that deleted tweets still show up hours later x.com/elonmusk/statu…

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Kojima should put Jay and Silent Bob in the next death stranding game

I would never let a mere woman take a hoodie from me I only have like three of those

deeez nuts, aha got yalll, if u fell for that come on now, lol lmfao, aha got u all