My friend and I were at this little deli in LA years ago—totally empty, and in walks John Lovitz. He orders, sits down behind us and after a minute or two takes out his phone and loudly goes, “Hey, it’s John! Yeah, JOHN LOVITZ!” and I have no doubt he did it to make us laugh

I truly believed elon musk couldn’t top himself with the absolute lamest behavior I’ve ever seen exhibited when he walked in twitter headquarters holding a sink but since then, he’s managed to continue to out-lame himself over and over. I’m thoroughly impressed. Incredible work.

I really can't believe how dumb and bad everything is right now lmao

Janelle Monáe as E.T. has had me cracking up all day—this woman somehow outdoes herself every year and this is my favorite hands down.

at an antique shop and found some good potential memes

“Work is DONE! I can’t wait to get home!” *sets up tripod to film himself getting into car, reverse a little, get out, move tripod to another angle, get back in car to reverse more, get home, get out car to film himself getting out car, go in home to set up tripod to film getting

I love being an overthinking dumbass about daylight saving

My dad died in 2011 and I could never bring myself to delete him from my contact list. Every November 3rd I text him for his birthday (stupid, I know, but it’s just what I do) and someone has finally claimed his number lol

whoa damn bro you think BOTH parties suck wow that's awesome you're not gonna vote to prove your point anyway exactly one of two people are going to be announced as the president for the next 4 years and there's actually something you can do about it if you want

Two girls one brain cell

Texans just chose the guy who fled the state for Cancun during the worst energy infrastructure failure in the state’s history that left 5 million business/homes without power. That should’ve been a wrap for ted. Gotta be the dumbest motherfuckers in the country. Incredible.

can't believe I've managed to be alive during the dumbest fucking time in American history

all righty folks, i’m outta here! i’ll probably pop back in when trump or elon dies because i don’t wanna miss that but until then, 🫡