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start of april feels like last year start of this year feels like a decade ago 12 months ago feels like a lifetime time compression whiplash

seeds planted years ago smoked filled rooms fulls of scribes & schemes discussions into late nights of visionary zeal inadequacy, self doubt, fakers & falsehoods hearts broken; promises kept sluggish mania, depressive sprints destiny manifested

haven't had a good night of sleep for the past 100 days oura ring tells me 17 jan was the last day of proper rest hellish on my health need to catch your health, before it drops & shatters

clench your teeth how often are you happy moments, moments, a few moments but can't chase after moments & forsake momentum momentum, big swings, uncertainty, pain, laser fucking focus foot soldiers assembled, lieutenants being drafted, generals being groomed conquest

affiliate marketing is sorta dead elite media buying houses externalise offer operations to a handful of trusted partners elite offer houses externalise media buying operations to a handful of trusted partners name of the game

cross road between euphoria and terror all my previous bets so obvious in retrospect midas touched the obvious play is to keep upping the stakes but do i give up the good for the great? what if i'm wrong? i ponder, is it hubris? the crossroad of euphoria and terror

"don't erode your edge" said by a man much wiser than me what is my edge? in the truest form, it's me the schizo, the maniac, the number runner for a brief amnesia i forgot i forgot to take the bad with the good i sinned by aiming not to sin retvrn to schizo

only from the deepest depths of your mind do you extract diamonds cooking under heat and pressure extracted they shine as beacons of truth

turning a collection of smart people into a self-sustaining -> self-directing -> self-growing organisation truly pushes the mind to the limits of clarity, simplicity, nuisance, incentives, 3rd order effects tailoring the machine for the men tailoring the men for the machine

one thing that i didn't realise about the transition to building a "proper business" is how many fucking learning curves you have to climb simultaneously at break-neck pace & how those learning curves cascade into multiple other learning curves strap in & pray, pray, pray

overlooking the mediterranean sea glass of chard in one hand, lit cigarette in the other notes from a dozen books & lectures strewn bottles of pills, crushed red bull cans as home decor the schizophrenic energy surrounding a quantum leap has all senses firing leap of faith

a schizo in wonderland it's easy to hire but do you have the courage to fire? king henry type arc off with their heads

a year since I've done a proper nightmare mode sprint no food, no music, no distractions nothing but rage fuelled hyper focus blanketing the world with terror keep your monk mode retvrn to the shadow realm with nmm