“Why are you cooking naked again, Jack?” “Shush”

Signing off a work email all professionally as if I didn’t send it from my iPhone outlook app filed under a silly little folder entitled “Adulting!”

People on LinkedIn love to tell you that things can be “daunting”

Overheard: “And then we started talking about life and poverty and all sorts of intellectual things”

Absolutely shaking with rage thanks Pfizer

I thank each and every deity for my 4 day work week - nobody is online on Sunday to give me admin and by actual Monday evening I’m halfway through my week. In one year ago me’s wildest dreams.

There are two types of people in South Africa, people with a taste for life, and snobs.

Nee but if they come to you with a “I don’t know but I’ve been told 🎶” and you don’t shrink into yourself you are made of STEEL

Jack wanted to tell me a joke and I told him to leave me alone to scroll Twitter and now he is loudly telling the joke to the dog

Middle aged ladies love to give credit where credit is due

DREAMS DO COME TRUE

My email signature goes “Thank you! Best,” but you have to read it like Ariana Grande

Delicious (the song) open.spotify.com/track/0leJYiYy…

I was invited earlier this century to go to 9/11, and I said no. Kind of scary that I could have been in it

*me tying my shoelaces* “when will the nightmare end?”

I’m just SAYING (to my 300 followers) that if Elon Musk gave 1million (rand) to every SPCA in South Africa it would amount to less than 0.003 percent of his wealth. I am very drunk at 4am trying to do maths for the dogs (and cats and donkeys)

Click bait articles are like “The results are in!” and nobody asked the question in the first place and I’m still like hell yes my man let’s find out!

Thinking about the time I was being sick out the window and I kept saying “it’s Hereditary” and Matthew, who has not watched the film, said “no it’s not, you’re just drunk”

This country is way too small because tell me why I just saw someone who fucking traumatised me come up on my reels advertising fish??