Who’s coming to #veecon2023 ?

Gratitude for days.

GIFT GOAT

Midwest be like: “We better put carpet EVERYWHERE.” #comedy #midwest #satire #lol #carpet

Gratitude. Inspiration. Radical conviction. VeeCon. See you next year!

I was such a square as a kid. My best friend showed me his secret porn stash on his computer, and instead of thinking it was cool, I got scared. I then cried about it to my parents that night. He did the most bro thing ever, and I ratted him out to the authorities.

Say it with me, millennial parents: “no”. #justsayno #comedy #satire #millennialparents

Putting “official” in your social media handles when you’re not famous is like putting a gold ribbon around a turd. It’s completely unnecessary and you’re a turd.

As I get older, I realize more and more that some people should simply never have kids. Like my father.

Americans are up in arms about gas being $5 per gallon. In Europe, gas is about $10 per gallon. They’re freaking out about paying HALF. So no complaints about other things being half that of Europe? Like life expectancy, graduation rates, and places where abortion is legal?

Supreme Court be like: “You will not limit our freedom to legislate women’s bodies!!”

The US Constitution according to SCOTUS: “Guns don’t kill people. We the People kill people.”

I can try and deny my Dutchness all I want, but I can’t escape the fact that I was conceived in a field of tulips, in the pouring rain, and that, like all REAL Dutchies, I cycled out of the vagina.

Nothing in this world is certain but death, taxes, and annual Apple product price increases. We complain about all three, but when the time comes, we pay our dues.

I’m unsure about a lot of things: how inflation works, how we can stop global warming, and, more importantly, what Jared Leto *ACTUALLY* looks like.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should: - have 7 bathrooms in your house; - put a call on speaker in public; - share your opinion on social media about why a mermaid couldn’t possibly be Black. And back it up “from a science perspective.”

You guys remember those AI avatar thingies everyone did back in the beginning of the month? What a time that was.

Trump finally got to experience what it’s like to go to public school.

I know Hunter Biden is SWEATING through this withdrawal.