*walking into family thanksgiving* Me: Who tapped the keg, I’ll pump. Family: oh shit here we go, dumbass is here.

South padre is a dirty girl. It doesn’t just take your memory it takes your soul.

Those people who go through the drive thru at subway with 4 people in the car can fart off.

My 9 year old cousin just sent me this??

Beyond honored to get the call to be a part of the greatest College GameDay environment in the history of the show tomorrow with the fine folks from South Dakota State Jackrabbits Real life bucket list stuff. Let’s. GOOOOOO.

Alright my dad just schooled me.

Imma tell my kids this is John Wayne

As the great ice cube once said “called up the homies and I’m askin y’all at which park are y’all playing basketball? get me on the court and I’m trouble. Last week fucked around and got a triple double.” Bro counted his stats in a pick up basketball game.

Don’t worry ladies there’s still time left to pick one of us as a Valentine’s Day date. Jacob Spier Andrew Neugz Tyler VanRoekel

Is it just me or does anyone else think this cash app circle thing is the dumbest thing ever. Yah here’s 100 dollars let me cross my fingers that 7 other dumbasses give me 100 dollars. This is what’s wrong with our generation today nobody wants to work hard and earn there money.

I drive a dodge but I'm eating at Chevy's lol talk about goofin around.

Every time I think I had a wild night I see ☼ ᗪEᗰᔕᗩᑌᑕE ☼ Snapchat stories and realize my night was actually lame.

I enjoy a nice cold Busch Light as much as the next person does, but if you plan on drinking and driving tonight please do yourself and everyone else on the road a favor and just don’t. Let’s have a safe New Years people.

Me: Could you say anything more stupid then what you just said? Donnie: x.com/anthonydonovan…

Happy golden/18th Birthday to my best friend Ave hope your day consists of iced coffee and binge watching one tree hill.

Happy 21st birthday to my pal Jacob Spier hope your night ends up like this one. 🍻

I’m not saying your moms hot, but if she drinks Michelob Ultra then there’s a 95% chance that you have a hot mom.