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On the summit of Beinn Liath Mhor, between Achnashellach and Torridon, yesterday. My 250th Munro! #Munro #Munrobagging #Achnaschellach #Torridon

- After a long day in the field England were relieved when the umpire declared the last Australian batsman, that famous spinner, LBW - Warne Out? - Yeah, they must have been exhausted #LunchPun

I'd say this afternoon's showing of Frankenstein won’t be easy, as any animate anatomy matinee might be #LunchPun

My mate Barry works in a correctional facility. He fits rubbers to the end of pencils. #LunchPun

My wife just hit a bread roll for six. Ciabatta? No, she a bowler. #LunchPun

I'm performing 3 shows in the Scarborough Fringe this weekend, all at The Shakespeare Gallery: A brand new one-liner show bit.ly/3Gd19lP A history-themed comedy podcast recording bit.ly/4jCoHyHand A brand new autobiographical solo show bit.ly/44tThWT

I'm not saying the new Pope is uncharismatic but the only mass he seems to be serving is cocoa #LunchPun

I'm told I need laser eye surgery but I can't see the point #LunchPun

When Dracula gets invited to a Transylvanian fancy-dress party, he likes to go as a pain-au-chocolate. - The count is a foreign pastry? - They do things differently there. #LunchPun

I enjoy posh porridge. Oat cuisine. #lunchpun

I was sacked after 49 days in my job. A Liz Truss career? I wouldn't call it illustrious, no. #Lunchpun

- There's only a treble control on this stereo I bought. I want a refund. - I'm sorry, we don't deal with bassless claims #LunchPun

Proposal: all dog poo be picked up and put in a bin. Motion carried. #LunchPun

I thought it would be easy to predict the winner of the race run exclusively by women called Elizabeth, but now they’ve started running...all Bets are off. #LunchPun

- There's nothing more divine than eating Brie on top of Everest - Cheese heaven summit? - Less so at a meeting of world leaders #LunchPun #G7Summit

Just finished watching a training video for Just Stop Oil. I was glued to the screen. #LunchPun

The electricity failed whilst I was at my barbers, just at the time he was dealing with some nasal hair - it became clear that he was in orifice but not in power. #LunchPun

#LunchPun Would love to take part in this debate on gun crime…but I’ve got to shoot off

15-minute cities and safe spaces are all very well, but did they have to divide my favourite seaside town into x and y Cromer zones? #LunchPun

Who's standing up for the sitar players? #LunchPun