1. Repairs manager buys expensive steel. 2. Repairs manager returns expensive steel. 3. Repairs manager buys shitty steel. 4. Repairs manager turns in receipt for good steel, pockets the difference. 5. VP of Ops has hard-on for Repairs manager, fires everyone else.

Speaking from personal experience, Waffle House would not only not snitch, they'd help cover your alibi.

We are proud to be sponsored by Raytheon!

The Unlimited bracelets do contain a cellular tracking device. We bought them from an Israeli defense contractor before we knew about the pagers. Pretty sure they're fine, but maybe keep them away from ignition sources, just to be safe. #Israel #Mossad #Hezbollah‌

We've decided to move from our current sales model to a subscription based-system. $500 buys an unlimited year's worth of access.

If you're ever bored at work, make a parody account of your own company, blame it on former employee and try to get your CS department to try to take it down. #prankidea

If you're wondering, it was like this, except we can't cure cancer. youtu.be/lu_Z2HJW21A?si…

How is your day going? Wish I could tell you about mine, but I signed an NDA.

Twilio is such an underrated platform, if I'm being honest. No disrespect to Simpletexting, but I'm glad we made the switch. #Twilio #Marketing

Merry Christmas! Does anyone know if Santa's Elves are legally defined as children? Because if so we are legally required to keep Ed at least 1000 feet away from them at all times. #MerryChristmas #LegalAdvice #Conroe #springtx

If Gaetz is looking for a job after this, tell him to hit us up. We've hired worse! cnn.com/2024/12/23/pol…

From our Conroe, Texas Repairs Facility where we store our own personal sporting equipment, we wish you all a white Christmas. #Christmas #Holidays

Please be very quiet. Cammie is hungover. #NewYears #HappyNewYear2025

We're considering selling off some assets to make some quick money. Does anyone want to buy an executive?

Since it has leaked that we have been employing a child molester at our children's show for years, we are dedicated to cracking down on the problem at it's core. We are currently working closely with consultants from Boeing who are training us on how best to contain leaks.

We just learned that our HR Lead lied on his resume when he applied. We take this very seriously, and we're reporting him to H... wait.

I almost feel bad for them now.... Almost.

Here at Jurassic Quest, we wish celebrities would stop calling out people who are attracted to minors. This kind of thing inspires employees to do the same, hurting our bottom line, and we have managers to protect. #KendrickLamar #SuperBowl #JurassicQuest

Nobody thought this would happen, but we finally fired our resident child molester. Who says we don't embrace progress?

Not only does the #EpsteinList not exist, none of our managers are on it.