He ain’t done a Nicki Coke rant this bad since Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Patterson… baby put the notes app down, grab a pint of b&j’s, and put on pride and prejudice (1995), this too shall pass

Guy who doesn’t realize most baddies are on the spectrum:

Her son’s teacher would become a father figure to him, she would then interpret that as him making a move on her. She would flash him at a parent teacher conference, and when he rejects her, she loudly calls him a pervert infront of other faculty

Another contestant said she’s an “aura painter” and he still said he was jobless

Ace is the closest thing to a stud in the villa so I understand why Chelley is sticking by him

Girl I did not almost watch you fall 100 feet out of a prop car for you to hop on something that looks even LESS stable

I need oomfies to explain the mother ponzi thing to me. Do we know who she is or is it like a banksy situation?

“Are you ready for scammer school?” *Anna Delvey gulps* *Elizabeth Holmes breathes heavily* *Martha Stewart sweats nervously* *Jen Shah sighs* “Yes, Mother Ponzi…” they say in unison

Lena Dunham holds a mirror to her audience and asks “remember when you were super weird? And you could feel it in the moment, but still couldn’t stop?” then tells her audience “well, your off putting vibe wasn’t even the problem. watch the Michael Scott version of you get laid.

When the climax of the movie stems from a misunderstanding that could be solved with better communication skills

Connections creator when I find you….

Have you ever considered the fact that your cashier might also be a human?

in 2018, I went to this nyc vegan restaurant called bi Chloe or something and I asked for ketchup with my fries. They looked at me like I was dumb and said “this is a vegan restaurant, we only have beet ketchup” My immediate response was “do yall think tomatoes are sentient?”

I should have drank the Panera lemonade that kills you on the beach that makes you old when I had the chance

The bb houseguests are lucky I’m not on this season cause I’d be talking like Benoit Blanc, the worlds greatest detective, the entireeee time

Nose jobs can take up to 18 months to heal. She taped it to avoid complications and it was visibly red the next day

On a lunch break in that park, a man came up to me and asked “What do me and trump have in common? We both have micropenises” then flashed me and asked for a dollar. …and now history repeats itself as another sex pervert stands in the same spot and asks me for money.

The best that ever did it

Act III: