i hate killing people but i have to

Saying gay and retarded: - funny - breaks tension - gives +1000 authenticity XP Correcting someone for saying gay and retarded: - awkward - comes off as something to prove - probably isn’t gay or retarded

leaving the dispensary with 8 poundS of a weed strain called "Schizophrenia 1"

most shockingly of all, the alien craft was reportedly adorned with a sort of bumper sticker that said "Earth Hoes Cant Fuck"

warming up my penis with a cup of earl grey real quick

I know a mechanic who claims to have changed the breaks of an alien’s car.

I just got banned from All You Can Eat Sushi because I couldn't stop kiIIing people

the guy at the running store who did my gait analysis said I 'Wasn't gonna make it' and wouldn't even let me leave with the shoes I came in wearing

that actually reminds me of something else I’d like to allude to while hoping you press for more details

they're refusing to sell me the 06144-205 HDMI1 burger

He Gon Be Mad Asf When He In A Dress And Supreme Coffin

i truly believe that suggested replies might be the worst "feature" ever invented

How fat you gotta be to Honk in a drive thru

*approaching my roommate in the dark with a half gallon* dude we only have six days left to drink this milk lol

Incel son seething after being mogged by this absolute chad

You can go low, but Ima go lower

Who the FUCK is putting guinea pig slavery artwork on my timeline