Nobody does Twitter better than @HahnComedy. Nobody.

Ok. That's funny.

Tom Griswold on @BritneySpears Just Now: "She Couldn't Ad-Lib A FART If Her Life Depended On It." #Profound

DAMN!!!!!!

Well. This is unfortunate. x.com/_therealxman_/…

My Dad's well-wishes for today's The BOB & TOM Show Show.

I wanna know where you work that you can tweet 100 times during the hours of 9-5.

Ok. THAT made me laugh. x.com/jerimyaustin6/…

You want to know how karaoke is going tonight? Imagine your least favorite sound..Ever. That's what just came out of my mouth. #LilPitchyDog

Happening Now --> Counting Crows

I sincerely hope that celebrating the life of @KevinMeaney isn't lost in this week's news cycle. Such an original comedian & kind man.

Noooooooooooooo! x.com/tmz/status/813…

Ok. That's funny. x.com/gobucks219821/…

No matter where I am or what I'm doing, watching parents lose their shit when their children won't stop screaming will forever bring me joy.

"Ummm, I'm looking for Jerry Lewis...anyone seen him?" - 2016

YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR 2016 x.com/abc/status/814…

JUST HAVE THE FUCKING BABY ALREADY, GIRAFFE.

Just saw a 70-yr-old man pour a HUGE can of beer into a travel mug--gulp it--get in his car & drive away. I've missed you too, Los Angeles.

Shout out to all #500 fans-but mostly to those in the snake pit who dont know the day, time or frankly that theres an actual race happening.

Woman next to us yelling at 5-yr-old son for pee'g on his sister. Sister screaming she's now going to poop on brother. I couldnt be happier.