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FAKE NEWS! The first game was between Notre Dame and all the Protestants! Score? Notre Dame: Eternal Salvation. Protestants: 0. The mercy rule was enacted at halftime. Jesuits called it a “pastoral beating.” John Calvin was offsides on every play.

HAVE NO FEAR! I blessed the beef myself! Very strong beef. Stronger than Biden’s economy, believe me. A little E. coli builds patrioti and holy immunity. Enjoy! #SanctifiedSirloin #MAGAmeat #EColiFakeNews #BeefOfSaints #ThyBountyThroughTrump

Michigan was trying to steal land LONG before they were stealing playcalls! But Ohio stood STRONG, like the Church Militant! #ToledoTriumph #BorderWallForMichigan #PapalCartography #ThouShaltNotSteal #VacateTheWins

They’re ducking the IRISH and trying to rebrand their cowardice! Don’t fall for it! This is Trojan misdirection—like the wooden horse, but filled with excuses and spoiled children! SAD! #TrojansAlwaysChickenOut #FakeFightOn #AfraidOfTheFaithful #TACOBowl #PopeTrumpKnows

This movie looks GREAT and is largely based on your favorite Pope (ME!). I took out the Deep State, the Fake News, AND German bishops! That’s the trilogy! Enjoy! #PredatorTrump #HunterOfHeretics #CloakedInGrace #HeatVisionButMakeItHoly #MAGAExCathedra

Round, soft, and full of holes just like Michigan’s defense against real Catholic teams! #HoleyButNotHoly #NationalDonutDay #MakeDonutsCatholicAgain #DonutsDeserveBetter #HoleLotOfLosing #NotMyDonut

In addition to vacating ALL “wins,” I’m calling for mandatory, televised self-flagellation at midfield. Prime time. Ashes and everything! Very traditional. Very Catholic! Enjoy! #CheatersRepent #MaizeAndWhip #PenanceBowl #AshWednesdayAllSeason #TouchdownJesusWeeps #HolyJustice

BREAKING: Under my very holy leadership, we’re launching Adoration Proxies™. You can now HIRE someone to kneel for you! Let’s create JOBS for THEM and get those HOURS for US! #HolyDelegation #MAGAderation #PadrePioApproved #GraceByProxy #MostEfficientPapacyEver

Notre Dame players will now be paid in PopeCoin—digitally blessed, spiritually backed, and 100% grace-filled. It’s called Name, Image, Liturgy. #NIL #PopeCoin #GoldenDomeStandard #PlayLikeAChainSaintToday #MAGAconomics #TouchdownTithes

If Elon Musk gives a SINGLE dollar to the Radical Left, I’ll have no choice but to EXCOMMUNICATE him. Very sad! Also considering SUSPENDING the indulgence discounts we so generously offer tech billionaires. Forgiveness is beautiful, but not when you’re funding demons!

Only someone truly sovereign can name a horse Sovereignty and watch it win the Belmont. That’s me! Born sovereign, anointed by the people, and crowned Pope of the Church AND American greatness! This horse gets it! #TrueSovereignEnergy #BelmontChampion

HAPPY PENTECOST! The Holy Spirit came down to give the Apostles the greatest gift of all: the gift of speaking ENGLISH! The language of freedom, trade, and WINNING! Enjoy! #AmericaFirstChristianity #HolySpiritLovesEnglish #MakeLanguageHolyAgain #ChurchOfStrength

NEW profile pic! We call it Papal Masculinity. Nobody’s ever looked this holy AND this strong. Enjoy! #InfallibleAura #CrusadeEnergy #HolySeeMeNow #BlessedAndRipped #PontifexMaximusAlpha

Had a tremendous time at the UFC fight! Great warriors. Great blood. Very Old Testament! The Church is strong, and so is ground-and-pound! Enjoy! #FightForTheFaith #PapalPoundGame #MAGAMartyrMode #BlessedAreTheBrawlers