FBI agent: "22 April you posted 'you celestial piece of shit' and aimed a Glock at the sun, what did you mean?" Me: "Have you never been so upset by your wife's pain that you raged at the very heavens? I feel sorry for you." Agent throws his wedding band: "NO, I HAVEN'T"

Seems like a problem with representation in art is that characters can’t just be characters but has to stand as avatars and role models of an entire group of people so that they can’t behave “badly” which is just as limiting and ridiculous as turning them into tropes

Trying to scan the QR code on the ICE agent choking me but first I have to watch a 10 second FanDuel ad

I’ve never seen a tweet with a funnier last sentence

hey dude. I noticed your critique of the film lies not with the movie as it exists, but rather as a desire for it to be a different work entirely. your Serious Person card has been revoked and someone will be coming by later to kill you

this bills broncos game just reminds me that these new overtime rules take all the excitement out of the coin flip, terrible

when two vagueposters meet

of the recent films on the paranoia of the 2020s “Bugonia” by far exceeds the rest in capturing the moment without succumbing to easy political narratives yet maintaining empathy. and yes as you might predict I also admire its emphasis on the sexlessness of the era

just total brain decay. childhood never ends. every movie has to have a “point” and a conservative or progressive point of view. as if most filmmakers are thinking about that more than “wow what cool things can I do with these actors”

this is an absolute masterpiece i’m in tears😭

some of you need to learn that this applies to video games too

In honor of DoorDash discourse somehow returning in 2026, a thread of my favorite posts from the original discourse. I feel like we've all forgotten how insane things got. "I am too anxious/depressed to microwave a frozen meal. I need communal cooks to feed me"

trans person: i'm trans society: ok that one Heat X Brat edit:

It's genuinely sweet to see how this resonated with so many people but it does remind me of the Stav bit where he's like "80% of ethnic groups are exactly the same everyone's like oh we're always late, we eat a lot. You call strangers aunts. Only WASPs are not like this"

Wake up babe there’s a Portuguese Catholic priest who mixes Gregorian chants with industrial techno house music

The thing about Generative AI is that no one using it actually cares about what they're making. They *necessarily* lack the passion for the medium required to even imagine something good, because if they cared that much, they would have started making it before AI came around

Tom Brady is the last person in the world I’d want to have to do my macho alpha male schtick on

x.com/i/article/2021…

Seedance 2.0 Prompt: Sum up the AI discourse in a meme - make sure it’s retarded and gets 50 likes.

oh boy i accidentally spilled coffee all over my computer!! ah the boss is gonna chew me out for this one. plus i'm gay as well