Annabeth: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know! Percy: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus. Annabeth: Stop.

Grover, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him Annabeth: You did WHAT–  Percy: William Snakepeare

Percy: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Mr. D: You're like 15 years old Percy: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

Grover: I am the most responsible person in the group.  Annabeth: …You just set the kitchen on fire. Grover: Yes, and I take full responsibility for that.

Grover: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much. Percy: Oh, you’ve been? Grover: Once. In Monopoly.

Percy: So are we flirting right now? Annabeth: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU Percy: That doesn’t answer my question

Percy: Can I ask you for a favor? Grover: I would literally die for you, but continue. Percy: We need to talk about you starting sentences that way.

Percy: Okay, help me please! Mr. D: Got two words for you. Percy: I bet they won't be helpful. Mr. D: Your problem. Percy: I was right

Annabeth: Don't stay up all night, Grover. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.

Percy: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?  Grover: *chugs entire bottle*  Grover: It’s perfume.

Percy: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

Annabeth: I don’t need to touch grass, I need the fall of capitalism.