I was set up on a blind date with my now wife. One of the people who set us up is now serving 20 years in prison (for unrelated reasons).

This is unquestionably the best (and maybe the first good) “dead celebrity memorial cartoon” in history.

Blame the The Associated Press style guide!

My 1y: (grabs my hands and claps them) Me: Oh, sweetie, when a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure

Also the blind date was at a Chili’s. I wanted the baby back ribs, but I knew letting her see me eat ribs would be a mistake.

Look lively, people! You only have a month to ask unsuspecting people what the White House and tight pants have in common.

Entomologist here 🙋‍♂️🤓🐜 Great question! It may seem surprising that the scientific community could miss an entire bug species after all this time, especially when it’s THIS big. The answer might surprise you more 👀 Let’s dive in 👇🧵 (1/?)

I wouldn't personally be inclined to give the inmates any kind of swords, but I suppose if it's limited, where's the harm?

I just saw a video in which Fabiano Caruana failed to correctly identify who painted the Mona Lisa and from now on his name is Frank Caruthers.

Probably a couple reasons we won’t see this again. Politically, age is an issue. Taft was 63. Beside that, there’s opportunity cost. Former presidents become fabulously wealthy these days from book deals and speaking gigs.