Bin Laden is also responsible for all of my typos and unfunny tweets. bitly.xaijo.com/JgbcK

If 9/11 happened in Vegas, no one would have ever known due to that silly motto. bitly.xaijo.com/abigail

bitly.xaijo.com/martin Tried to unlock my door with a banana. How am I still alive?

Airport bathrooms are home to the loudest, angriest, most unapologetic farts known to man. gnail.in/imelda

I don't care if you're a dog person or a cat person, I generally don't date anyone with a tail. bitly.xaijo.com/maryellen

shorturl.xaijo.com/kimberly i want a segway so i can ride my segway away from my problems

I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. tinyurl.bdsmgalls.net/ronnie

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. googl.adultgalls.com/jennie

bitly.xaijo.com/arline My two year old nephew, though adorable, is a pretty violent drunk.

How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence? shorturl.xaijo.com/wallace

I got a Jury Summons today, I'm sending them my Twitter profile to get out of it. Fingers crossed. go.bdsmgalls.net/geraldine

Lotta dudes in this coffee shop looking poignant. go.bdsmgalls.net/lynette

short.bdsmgalls.net/rosalyn "Tell me the story behind each of your tattoos." -No one, ever

Looked up from a text message and thought, "Oh shit. I'm driving." fw2.bdsmgalls.net/clifford