Announcement for a flight from ATL to IAD: “I know the flight was delayed but if we get everyone boarded in the next 10 minutes we can still leave on time. If anyone can do it, it’s people from DC.”

At Purple Patch: Person 1: “My cousin got a cameo from George Santos once.” Person 2: “Oh you don’t need a cameo for that, just get in a Navy Yard elevator.”

On the Yellow Line: Tourist to local friend: “DC has really been an experience for me. I heard all about the military industrial complex stuff, but I thought it was just a meme!”

In Dupont Circle: “I submitted myself to Overheard DC because I said something funny and it deserves to be seen.”

Dating in DC

On the Amtrak: “I work for Tim Kaine” “New Jersey?” “Virginia.” “Why do I know that name?” “He ran for Vice President with Hillary Clinton.” “Oh yeah...”

At the McDonald's on NY & 13th: "What do you do?" "Sir, this is a McDonalds."

Spotted in DC

Woman pushing small child on swing in Kalorama Park: “We’re dancing with FAA regulations here.”

"Donald Trump is giving out $2,000 tariff stipends to most Americans." "Oh good I can use that to pay my medical bills." "That is the most American statement I've ever heard."

Man to friend: “Yesterday I went for a free Jose Andres meal for federal workers at China Chilcano but ended up with a $250 parking ticket. Hoping I have better luck today.”

On a flight from Charlotte to DCA

At Tatte: "I just need the shutdown to last three more days so I can submit this paper then I'm good to go back to my hillternship."

Spotted in Capitol Hill

Bro to friends in Shaw: “Yo we got swag bags and everything! it had RFK Jr’s book, creatine, protein chips and a really nice tote!”

In front of the Museum of the Bible: “We gotta be careful it’s a dangerous neighborhood.” “It’s really not…”

"Wow I can't believe Silver Spring is real, I thought it was just a made up spot on the Red Line."

Mother to teenager at Air and Space Museum: “No honey, these are the Wright brothers, they are not from Stranger Things!”

At the Washington Ballet Nutcracker: "What's the plot?" "The plot's pretty thin..." "So is it like Rocky Horror Christmas version?" "Ehhh, kinda?"