Do French's make French mustard, too? Or do French's only make American mustard? Because that's confusing.

ARRESTING COMEDY NEWS

I just got my first physical copy of Rise of Invisidog, the middle grade book I made with Vincent Batignole 🏳️‍🌈🇫🇷🐻. Look how pretty it is. Look how much poo is in it. Out Jan 8. Preorder here amazon.co.uk/D-D-Squad-Rise…

For your consideration: Neil Patrick Harris as the next Doctor. Like, the NEXT next Doctor.

STOP SLUT SHAMING ME STUART

God imagine paying for Twitter

If you haven't heard from me for a while, it's because I've discovered Chocolate Bailey's.

“So, you got the beard. I see that you’re trying to offset the bald a little bit,” says Larry David. Stuart Heritage Profile Books trib.al/QhsZezS

I finally finished the Chocolate Bailey's, everyone.

"I mean, I like both of you." -- my six-year-old, addressing his father and me.

I can't be long, I need to OIL MY UNDER-DESK TREADMILL.

Am I an empath? Well, if I'm singing along to Teenage Dirtbag, I also go "I got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby" in a high falsetto, despite being female myself. So you tell me.

Attack of Aunty Enchanty, the second book in my O.D.D Squad series, is out one month from now. It's very funny and Vincent Batignole 🏳️‍🌈🇫🇷🐻 has illustrated the goddamned balls off every page of it. Preorder it here please uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-o-…

So we're still "formerly Twitter", are we?

Oh hey! I wrote about MAWAGE and GAZPACHO for Grazia UK graziadaily.co.uk/relationships/…

I have come back onto Twitter to say something hugely important: Isn't it LIKE SO WEIRD to see Mr Maisel making current references on Netflix's Too Much? Like, he should be wearing spatz and smoking a jazz cheroot? I'm sure those are all period specific references. Anyway bye.