No one can out petty Drake song titles

It’s the remix to a conviction, hot and fresh out the kitchen. Judge rolling that gavel, got every count in here hittin.

Every Sunday night I worry about how Carrie Underwood will make the two football teams’ names rhyme and every week she pulls it off.

There is nothing more complex than getting the perfect amount of drunk for a train ride, see it delayed, and straddle the fine line between too much and not enough while waiting for an update.

Every time I buy bread, I whisper “I love bread” like I’m Oprah in the Weight Watchers ad. Honestly, I’m surprised my wife doesn’t strip right there and then on Aisle 2.

Uncah Jahms is the new Bing Bong

brand social media managers all over the world right now hopped up, writing and rewriting “yeah you know what else slaps? our new wild blue zazzleberry gushers”

I wish I could tell you this isn’t real but this is really how the Iranian community is reacting to Britney Spears’ marrying a Persian man

NBA Draft Orlando Magic Paolo Banchero New city means you'll need a new place to live. This 5 bedroom house is 20 minutes from the airport. Perfect for all the road trips you’ll be going on. Welcome to the league! #HouseDraft zlw.re/3Okq7Pg

NBA OKC THUNDER chet holmgren Congrats on being drafted! Now that you need a new crib, how about this incredible home in OKC? It’s also a unicorn. #HouseDraft zillow.com/homedetails/16…

NBA NBA Draft Sacramento Kings @keegan3murray We've got the ideal spot. 7,000 square feet, pool, billiard room, game room, and THREE fireplaces, which’ll be perfect when HE’S HEATING UP. #HouseDraft 🏠 ➡️ zlw.re/3brN4l2

If any newly drafted #NBA players need a new spot in their new team city…hit us up! NBA #NBADraft #HouseDraft Zillow

Detroit Pistons NBA Draft Jaden Ivey Purdue Men's Basketball Welcome to the league, Jaden! Check this place out. 14 bedrooms! You can have the whole team over for sleepovers. #HouseDraft 🏠 ➡️ zlw.re/3zVVEmd

NBA NBA Draft Houston Rockets Jabari Smith Jr You made it to the league! Now you need a place to live. How about this one? It’s got a high ceiling, just like you. 😉 #HouseDraft 🏠⬇️ zlw.re/3OBsEEj

Washington Wizards Johnny Davis Wisconsin Basketball Welcome to DC, Johnny! If you're looking for a place, this one has a theater room. Perfect for all that game tape you'll be watching. #HouseDraft zlw.re/3HOEKYr

Nick Nurse: “I wasn’t born (in Canada) but I’m coming up on 10 years (here).” Shai Gilgeous-Alexander: “Yeah, he’s Canadian.”

The way these tennis announcers talk about Nick Kyrgios you wouldve thought he was at Wimbledon selling crack lmao

Can someone tell me when the “nothing is everything” pharma band is going on tour? Thx.

Prompt: Home Alone. But as the opening credits of White Lotus season two. #MadeWithRunway

Avatar 2: A Greenpeace x Calm App collabo.