a lot of moving is like “where can i put my precious grocery bag full of pipes?”

the way i begged for karaoke revolution glee just to find out that bust your windows and hate on me were not included, in one of the most stunning moments of mercedes erasure in history

do we think anyone’s ever been like, “well, waiters at the table of my success have some valid points…”

i burst out laughing at the conrad red hot chili peppers entrance

i told donald trump there was a pool on the roof that only the seniors can use

an app that let's you input where you're going, how long you'll be there, what kind of stuff you want to do there, what kind of luggage you want to bring, and whether you'll have a washing machine, and it tells you what to pack

i don't have the energy to explain my mindset to you, please refer to my novelty wallet that says "brunch vibes"

i love nilüfer yanya her music makes me feel like i'll never be okay again and the world is ending later this afternoon

having my period for the first time in months. glass shattering sound. scary strings sound.

my therapist said to me, and this really stuck with me, "i'm gluing a bunch of stuff to you"

(delighted) you drank chocolate milk at a business meeting?!

my boyfriend is handsome and happy and just what a man should be. i am an unmedicated depressive with frizzy hair. we will be together for one hundred years.

guy who has only seen harry potter and tsitp: conrad is just like snape

we should call him Donald "Blump"--because his behavior makes the American people feel like they've been Blumped! (which is a new phrase i've created)

(realizing) ohhh she's making jokes because she's an idiot

i wanna make something FUNNY

after months of careful consideration, i have finally landed on my next big fashion statement: t shirt

we're living in a time where you'll be like "i love to read" and someone will reply "it makes me sick when people act like reading just became lovable and you didn't even mention the library..."

i think the jewelry heist at the louvre is an elaborate promo for the new eddie murphy pink panther movie