You've been uncouth. You're vulgar. Your stories are trite and your jokes are from Reddit. You're unwelcome here.

Would you descend through Lorestani crevices into the hidden underground and nurture the last hope of equine sovereignty in order to eventually emerge after an eon, speciated into a predator whose sole instinct is to show humanity the real meaning of husbandry?

Just witnessed a man emerge from an airport bathroom stall brushing his teeth

Moment of silence this morning to commemorate yesterday’s Poachman victims. An unfortunate reminder that even in this day and age no yolk is safe.

*blocks your path* problem, bipedlet?

Floating on the DeSchutes River today w the bachelor party (I’m pissed and want to just sit around fishing and drinking beer)

😐 leaving the safety of the airbnb fishing dock to risk being able to eat red meat for the rest of your life

MLK day at tech job campus in SF a few years ago. The bar cart was going around our floor. Drinking w coworker friend, I suggest going downstairs to the main party. He demurs, I ask why. He breaks eye contact and gazes out the window: “it’s too political”

Won trivia at the bachelor party last night bc no one else knew the geography of Europe

Who still up seasoning they cat

To tread my road and mountain-see First you must answer my riddles three Those who pass must ascend My road is paved with the quitter’s end

Never seen this one before. They don’t want me to hit 125 followers. They’re pulling out the big guns

How dare you use The Voice on me.

Going to work slightly out of it with a scratchy throat

I have covid