can we as a nation eliminate "Hell yeah dude" from the standup lexicon

why did I feel compelled to show this to the stranger next to me at the bar? shined my phone right in the man's face. "did you hear about oasis??" idegaf ab oasis, it just felt like enormous news

shoutout Y for being the only bisexual letter

My phone switched itself back to auto capitals and I fear it may be a sign from God not to text like I'm a teenage girl anymore

I thought I got a birthday text from Kamala Harris this morning, but she was just asking for money 😔

Wanting to complain about somebody but they follow u on everything

It's so funny when my Latino friends share Spanish tiktoks 😂 like nobody in the world knows what these anime characters are talkin ab but I bet ur ex rly do be like that

Only ppl to talk about how "family is the #1 thing" always be the ones who couldn't make a friend at a People Exactly Like Me Convention

Pranking guys I didn't like in high school by giving VoteBlue.org their phone number and email

listening to a woman try to negotiate the insurance on her house rn (it seems to have gone up by ab 500% since she started her plan last year) further cementing to me that home ownership is a scam

From under the rubble, she is asking Palestinian rescue workers to forgive her for tiring them. They respond "you are our sister". The love of our people shines even as our colonizers commit every crime under the sun. So proud to be Palestinian.

Staring at a man's groceries on the train rn to see if I can get him to stop listening to music on his speaker

I love watching my old friends' social media stories now and having no idea at all who these new ppl are that they're hangin out with

I rly do just start laughing bc I assume it's the correct response to your mumblin ass

I didn't get the wordle, which, according to the reality my brain has constructed, the election is lost.

Imagine waking up and being surprised to hear that more than half of the country is dumber than all hell

if you are someone who was able to overlook the genocide and cast a vote for kamala harris, then you already understand how a conservative was able to overlook Trump's extremism to vote for him.

Do you ever see somebody on Facebook so sad that people don't even know what to comment anymore

Mom just sent me a twitter link for the first time! Go figure! It's fucking braindead!

Googled "CEOs in my area" and the FBI emailed me the 👀 emoji and nothing else