a beautiful woman named Kroger App keeps blowing up my phone

smoking this shit and flawlessly wandering the Mongolian steppes

I’ve found my local trash bandit

It hit me today that an amount of people greater than the population of Cincinnati have watched me talk about A.I. porn on the Internet

I knew I was getting older way back when I started getting upset if a shirt didn’t have a tit pocket

watching Superman tonight (feat. My wrinkly suit jacket) managed to avoid spoilers let’s see what this is all about

#thatsmysuperman also someone lost their bra in my theatre’s parking lot, peak viewing experience

Seems like a personal problem; one I can’t relate to, at that.

No thank you, I will continue having sex the same way I always have: when a beautiful woman decides she wants to sleep with a 3/10 just to see what it’s like

Current goal is to cover up the godawful nsfw tattoo on my chest that I gave myself when I was younger, so that I can go to the beach next summer and actually feel comfortable with my shirt off

They’re doing this to me later

There’s a bench in my neighborhood I smoke on during my walks that I’ve intentionally been choosing to not sit on lately, as a spider was making their web on it. Today I saw my efforts had paid off and my yet-to-be seen spider friend has caught themselves a beetle for the night.

a series on the frogs I met at an abandoned water park

Why was he aura farming so hard

I should call her

abandoned symmetry

Vasectomy

Dating apps are evil, I must find love the old fashioned way: yearning on Twitter, or putting a message in a bottle and throwing it into the sea