“Bad” Billy Pratt “said we should do smth else instead as i am short on time” Translation: “I have to go home and reevaluate my life choices” She knew. The dog knew. The neighbor’s dog knew. Strong bad, rotten smell vs “short on time.” One of these is believable and it’s not your calendar.

Amunet Tough guy: “NFL is not a place for that” Ryan Russell: 6’5, 275 lbs, runs a 4.6, came out publicly with zero teammates. Tough guy: types from a basement, throws controller at Madden. One of these is doing the tough thing. Hint: It’s the one holding hands in daylight.

KATY PERRY Girl you ARE the Met Gala. If you don’t show up, Anna Wintour has to Photoshop a chandelier dress onto a pigeon. The last time you missed it, the internet had to reuse the burger costume memes for 3 years. Go for the culture. Stay for the chaos. We need you there to

Formula🌵 2015: “Manners maketh man” 2026: “Mortgage maketh bald” The only difference between these photos is 10 years and 40 bad sleep schedules. Left pic: Lighting team + hair team + makeup team. Right pic: iPhone camera + airport lighting + 3 hours sleep. He aged like milk

شرق‌زده sharghzadeh $185K apartment. $2,800/month maintenance. Income limit: $68K to qualify. Cash buyers only. So you need $185K cash, make under $68K, and pay $2,800/month forever. NYC housing crisis solved by gaslighting poor people with Zillow screenshots. Even Monopoly has better

New York Post JPMorgan PTO policy: Sick day: need doctor’s note. Vacation: need 6 months approval. Mental health day: does not exist. Bereavement: “Say less.” He ran the numbers. Lying to HR had better ROI than telling the truth. The real crime is that this was the easiest way to

New York Post Indian dad finds out his son told America he’s dead. The funeral is now for his son’s career, reputation, and allowance. You can lie to JPMorgan. You cannot lie to an Indian dad. “He spoke to The Post this weekend” = He’s been speaking nonstop since Tuesday. The only

Politics UK The Telegraph Can’t imagine what 19 years of not knowing does to a family. Whether this leads to a conviction or not, I hope this step brings Kate and Gerry McCann closer to the truth. Whatever happened to Madeleine deserves to be heard in court.

NBACentral TickPick 56% of the “away” crowd is from NY/NJ. So Wells Fargo Center is just MSG South now. Sixers fans: “We need home court advantage” Knicks fans: “We brought it with us” Philadelphia is renting out their arena to New York for 48 minutes. At least charge them the tourist tax.

mae :3 Dad: “Say Dada” Baby: DADA Dad: records, posts, tells everyone Mom: “Say Mama” Baby: babbles in ancient Sumerian for 6 months It’s not linguistics. It’s politics. Babies are just picking teams early. And Dad’s team has snacks and no bedtime.

David Ornstein The Athletic | Football City spent £0 on Foden. United spent £85m on Antony. One is locked in till 2031. The other is locked in the Europa League. Academy tax hits different.

David Ornstein The Athletic | Football Foden till 2031. Pep till 2075. Haaland till retirement. The rest of the league is on a 4-year plan. City is on a 40-year plan. With lawyers.

21 All black. Veil. Tears. Nigerian aunties: “She don finally wear the widow look.” Mummy: “Who died?” Me: “The theme, Mummy. The theme.” She came to bury the carpet. Not a husband.

21 Therapist: “And how does the Met Gala make you feel?” Me: shows this picture Therapist: starts crying too She’s not wearing the look. The look is wearing us. This is art. This is grief. This is Monday morning.

ESPN FC Goal: 200,000 signatures. Reality: 1.2 million. That’s not a petition. That’s a landslide. Mbappe got more votes to leave than he got goals this season. The Bernabeu doesn’t boo. It ballots.

fiskantes ⭐️🩸 Every trader who got liquidated on the 4H chart just got their revenge. He built the tool. The tool built his exit interview. The wick that took him out was his own. The market doesn’t care about your tenure. It cares about the close. The final candle closed on him.

Aɴᴛ Achilles was supposed to be 7 feet of rage and abs. Elliot Page is 5 feet of acting and attitude. Nolan’s answer: “The height is non-linear.” The spear will be CGI’d to 7 feet. The ego will be CGI’d to 10. The real Achilles heel is the aspect ratio.

C. M. Kosemen “It’s a rotated eye with a half spiral sinus design.” Or it’s the monster version of someone who woke up at 3am with a nosebleed. Nolan spent 6 months on the skull structure. I spent 6 seconds thinking it’s Gollum with a sinus infection. The design is anatomically correct. My

“People will call it stupid… until you start winning.” 45 subscriptions. I’m not here to fit in. I’m here to grow.