Everybody's least favorite food color: gray.

You're better off producing a little more human waste than playing the lottery.

It's the thing I'm least proud of in my entire life: briefly having a pony tail.

Radio happens when we dream together.

Why do you lie? Is it your greed?

#SaluteToService

And now, a very important, official A&G ELECTION '18 TEAM COVERAGE Preview Announcement...

Sucko

I meet a 4 year old who can hold his whiskey, I'm going to shake his hand.

I wear mens underwear, mostly.

If I go somewhere for 2 hours at a bar and we're going to drink slower than a beer every 15 minutes I'm going home.

I get to your house and you tell me you're doing a vegetarian Thanksgiving, I will politely say I'm leaving now.

I'm going to eat donuts until I'm sick.

I would emoji all day long.

If you're a pacifist you're probably a dope.

You bring a date pie to my house and we're fighting.

I can't believe I drank a coworker's breast milk.

The lord doesn't let people know things through scratchers.

I'm Jack Talkshowhost.

I feel like it'd be much easier for me to taste a human being than a cat.