Been craving a burger and fries, so I made a lamb burger with bok choy slaw served on coconut forbidden rice with daikon fries.

Well. That’s honest.

So, when I sneeze it’s the buildup that causes the sound. I’m like, “AaaaaaaaaHhhhh” then I stifle the sound. It’s an itty bitty noise. Distress followed by trying to hide my existence. Sneezing embarrasses me.

According to my baby book my first word was “no” and while that makes sense, I don’t trust the author.

Remember Camel Wides? The 2000’s were crazy

Finally made it through all the seasons of Scandal. They did some really whacky stuff with that show. The final season was all over the place. Now I never have to hear “the oval” “white hats” “gladiators” or “over a cliff” again.

This frigging cute dog has to be on me all the time, like he thinks I cannot survive unless he’s connected to me. Buddy, it’s too hot.

BRO WHO MADE THIS LMFAOOO

As someone who was a teenager when Barenaked Ladies were popular, I don’t try to hate on anybody’s whimsy.

Don’t know if they’re the best, but there are two books I have been given by multiple people. And it’s kind of telling.

I don’t know why, but this hit me right on the funny bone.

I browbeat my ex boyfriend into making a hat for his tortoise. I threatened to skin his belly and make it into a trampoline and force him to watch me jump on it if he didn’t make a hat for his tortoise.

Sometimes I think about this picture one of my kids took of me from the back seat of my Crown Vic. We were on our way to Joshua Tree. It’s nothing much— just a picture. But I can remember how the air smelled. I can remember how happy I was just then.

Threads somehow got more gross than twitter.

I present to you, Sheriff Tortlini. The residents of Encino can rest easier tonight knowing he’s in charge.

🤣

Sometimes I think I’m overreacting about the way people are broken because of social media. Other times…

My roommate is very invested in AA, and I’m glad it’s helping him. I need to set a strong boundary on pushing all the God stuff on me. Specifically, no, I will not be seeking God’s help with forgiving that girl in 4th grade who said I look like Doogie Howser.

don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory)

Wow. This is so beautifully expressed.