My dog just scratched his ear with such purpose it gave him an erection.

Since I am using my son's desktop for work at the moment, I have access to his Spotify, and it is an absolute madness.

Perhaps no meal has ever said “It’s 1971 and my wife just left me” quite like this sumptuous feast …

Tell your mum I'll be round later.

My father would play tennis against me every summer holiday when I was young and naturally beat me, until Crete in '89, where we played in 40 degrees in the afternoon and I had him at match point, then he won and nearly died of a heart attack and was in bed for two days.

The notion of migrants integrating is largely built on the premise that the natives actually encourage them to do so rather than demonise them upon their arrival.

Breaking: Local wolf admits that whilst it initially only wore sheep's clothing for hunting purposes, after a while it also started wearing it socially and in private.

We never played again, incidentally.

Arguably the maddest thing about the far right is their belief that the people they follow actually care about the country they live in or the people that live in it. They are trying to create an environment for THEM to live and prosper in, not you.

The video to Sean Paul's 'She Doesn't Mind' gives a wildly unrealistic impression of how airports work, in my experience.

Obviously we have a nice new stadium and everything, but sometimes I do wonder if perhaps part of the problem in us attracting the best players to Spurs, is because we are Spurs, not because of the chairman.

If people, and I mean the majority of people, really were in a froth about flags, surely I would be seeing them in every garden, hanging from every window, something similar to when the football's on... and yet...

If Epping has a population around 12,000, and the whole town is un uproar about the migrants in the hotel, why did only a few hundred turn up to protest, and of those, we know a good portion were not even from the town?

One problem in the UK is that it's easier to be in opposition than in Government. Sit and watch, and throw grenades in the room to problems you created and advocated for whilst shaking your head wearily.

Following the cyber breach at my company we have been warned that personal data may have been stolen and to be aware of fraud in our names being committed, but frankly, if a fraudster manages to get money in my name I would be curious how they managed it.

Outrage at Breastfeeding mother in Starbucks, Me, Just watching

"No, Marjorie, we stay here. The man we saw getting changed in the car park is now wanking openly on the beach."