It’s important to adopt a growth mindset or you’ll never be 6 feet tall.

People wearing masks in the airport are the ones that have the least regard for personal space.

Has anyone looked for Kate in the woods with those short old ladies?

Having a burned roof of your mouth is an unnecessarily long punishment for being overzealous about a slice of pizza.

People are selling specialty sunglasses for viewing the solar eclipse as if I didn’t stare at the sun for extended periods of time as a child.

“I’d like the cedar plank salmon of knowledge, please” “Baked?” “Hell yeah I am, how else would I come up with an omniscient fish?”

There should be a platitude surge price fee on here. It would make Mondays a lot less cheesy #MondayMotivation

The ability to wow older coworkers with a proficiency in Lotus 1-2-3.

The science on this is overwhelming. Use this protocol to keep living. Use the holes in the front of your face to suck air into your torso then blow it out gently. The French call this “breathing” but there’s no direct translation. Repeat as necessary throughout the day.

Do you even lift, bro? Hell yeah, I do. Fork to face, reps to failure, 3-5 times per day.

I used to get frustrated by the New York Times paywall, but once I took the time to understand its story, I became more empathetic. My new piece in McSweeney's mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-…

After too many years, the scoreboard was finally thrown out of the gym. It was a habitual buzzer beater.

The Reddit IPO and first day of the NCAA Tournament happening on the same day is the equivalent of my brain diving into a pool of dopamine, Scrooge McDuck style

It’s really cool how there are so many civil engineers with years and years of bridge building experience on here.

I’m telling my kids this is the Easter Bunny.

“The Air Marshals are usually pretty chill when I pull out my machete to crack them open too. There was that one time we had an issue, but we eventually cleared it up when I told them I’m an influencer.”