“It tastes like grass; I love it” -@leilatatby

I don’t know if I could farm if zip ties were never invented

It doesn't matter how old you are, a wrapping paper tube is a sword

Furnace stopped working and husker volleyball lost 😪 time to call it a day

A dude tripped a few people and ESPN is treating it like he's a serial killer

An Asian couple just came up to me in Walmart and asked me if I worked there. I had a north face jacket and jeans on...

Our local news just reported that the car wash was busy. There's nothing else to report but people wanting cars cleaned?

@katiejacksonr classy

@katiejacksonr maybe you're the jerk with improperly aimed headlights, maybe not 🤷🏼‍♂️

When Cody Mumm texts you cute things 😊

You know it's the weekend when the sound of police/fire/ambulance sirens fill the air 3x more than usual.

Don't do something unless you're going to do it right. This world is full of half assed stuff.

@NightOwlJordan Fav Dr. Seuss book?

I for one really enjoy those subwoofers you're bumpin with as you drive downtown. You're so cool I want to hang out with y'all.

It's time to unite the world on an all out war on mosquitos and not stopping till every single one is eradicated. Then we will move to wasps

Why haven't they put resealable zip locks on chip bags yet..

About to slam my head into a wall

Just saw a guy drop his suit jacket into a puddle on the street then handed it to his lady. Who said chivalry is dead? 😬