Well I'm glad to see you're on the mend. #ReformUK @TonyTonyTx

Strange place to announce your jaundiced husband might also be an alcoholic.

On this election day, The Emporium would humbly invite you to consider your options carefully. #Discworld #Elections2024 #BenevolentDictator #ScorpionPit

Good luck to Keir Starmer, he has some little shoes to fill.

Someone at work told me not to frown as it wasn't good for me which turned out to be scarily accurate as I hadn't expected to be arrested for GBH today.

Tonight got away from me a bit. It's 4:30am and I have to be up for work in 2 hours. This is a monumental disaster. The only saving grace is that I'm working from home so can squeeze in a sneaky nap at lunch time. I'm so sorry, imminent future me. Monday is going to be awful.

Are ferrofluid speakers just analogue Winamp Visualizations? 🤔

I'm assuming the lettuce was unavailable for this gig.

I VERY MUCH BEG YOUR PARDON??

*gasp!* They DO do duvets! #TrevorAndSimon #RelevantCulturalReferemce

Bugger. I stared at the clods too long and noe ic ant see mynsceen.

... & fauna? 🤔 This could either be the best or worst thing to happen in a Spar.

Chatty Colleague™ has just worryingly declared "you have to laugh or kill yourself". English isn't his first language, but he also holds some pretty bold opinions, so it's best not to presume he misspoke.

My boss wants an urgent meeting about my professionalism. Quietly confident it's to commend me on my newly expanded vocabulary. 😊

Was thinking it'd be quite handy to have a Star Trek style computer in the house to determine how many residents are in at any given moment, but if I asked it "How many lifeforms are in the house?" & it came back with an answer of 6,000 or something, that'd properly ruin my day.