BREAKING: Dissatisfied citizenry to attend protest in nine minutes, catered by Senator Dribbleware and Wendy’s . This unrest comes hours after Mayflower LETI announced raises for senior staffers while terminating dozens of junior employees.

Senator "Hero of the People" Dribbleware to be probed by the Department of Justice and Senate Ethics Committee after alleged use of State discretionary funds to purchase bulk orders of Domino's Pizza Hawaiian pizza.

Ridgeway's Law Enforcement Academy comes under fire for alleged instances of Anti-Vegan Harassment in their ranks. These incidents came to light after a probe into their neighboring State's Police Training Service came under public scrutiny for bolstering the efforts of the %1

A crisis is unfolding now at the RCTA headquarters, after a staffer has been missing for nearly three days. It is believed they got lost between the Office of Media Public Affairs Publications and Office of Paperclips & Binders Distribution Task Force. More coverage Ridgeway News Network

Following three day long search, Aged and Disgruntled Politician found half conscious over a plate of Denny’s before being sworn into power. The people of Ridgeway shall watch with great interest, as will the Palmer Nursing Home.

In fervent effort to interfere with police officers and citizens trying to enjoy the game, Mayflower Department of Justice polls persons not involved with policing about how LEAs should operate behind closed doors. "Where there's a will, there's a way to ruin anyone having fun" - MF Att. Gen.

Lieutenant Governor Frontrunner bzzeans remains silent, after allegations arise indicating his name change originated in efforts to avoid outstanding warrants for Mayflowerian Tax Evasion. The Mattaquot Rangers are said to be investigating the matter.

County Armed Forces assed for readiness by local executive. On an unrelated note, FEMA operations have ramped up in the state of Ridgeway. Special housing units for those who ran against the CE in the election are being prepared.

Mattaquot Governor-Elect in hot water after administering oath dedicated to himself rather then what is prescribed by state constitution. In absence of a functioning judiciary to injunct the oaths, the state Legislature is officially a puppet of the Executive.

Mayflower to Cancel all Men.

After brief Furlough, Monarchist to resume press releases for forseeable future.